Just as I was driving the kids to school this morning I had one of my "feeling deprived" moments. I heard an advert for bogof schocolate on the radio and thought how I would love to just go and buy it and eat it and isn't it horrible that I can't have any. Funny enough the moment passed quite quickly and I was mentally stepping out of the situation and analyising what the result of this indulgence would have been. Putting on more weight, possibly bursting out of the last pair of size 16 trousers that fit me and I actually like being slimmer and being able to do my trousers up without suffocating so I decided not to dwell on feeling deprived but instead focus on the good that is coming out of this diet, which I chose after all. And amazingly it worked. I feel that I am really in a good place at the moment.
I was so in two minds as to whether to start this diet just before Christmas but it is definitely the right decision
Thursday 4 December 2008
Wednesday 3 December 2008
1st Weigh In
Yeah, I lost 7 lbs in my first week.
I am really happy with this. My trousers feel looser and I can already see a change in my face (the dreaded double chin that started to make a reapperance is significantly reduced already).
I really enjoy the Cambridge Diet so far, I love the fact that I can have milk in my coffee without having to feel guilty (I am doing SS+) and only really felt really bad on day 2 and 3 and good after that.
I did have a little wobble on Monday evening though. I was under quite a bit of stress and was desperate to resort to old habits of eating to make me feel better/make situation go away/having a magic wand to solve problem, and ended up eating some tuna and a bit of cheese. it was interesting to observe how desperately my body wanted to react with eating to stress, and I know how this on a normal day would have led to contiuous eating throughout the evening. I was just happy that I chose to stop before any real damage was done and was relieved that I still was in ketosis the next day.
So week one over with, week 2 here I come.
I am really happy with this. My trousers feel looser and I can already see a change in my face (the dreaded double chin that started to make a reapperance is significantly reduced already).
I really enjoy the Cambridge Diet so far, I love the fact that I can have milk in my coffee without having to feel guilty (I am doing SS+) and only really felt really bad on day 2 and 3 and good after that.
I did have a little wobble on Monday evening though. I was under quite a bit of stress and was desperate to resort to old habits of eating to make me feel better/make situation go away/having a magic wand to solve problem, and ended up eating some tuna and a bit of cheese. it was interesting to observe how desperately my body wanted to react with eating to stress, and I know how this on a normal day would have led to contiuous eating throughout the evening. I was just happy that I chose to stop before any real damage was done and was relieved that I still was in ketosis the next day.
So week one over with, week 2 here I come.
Saturday 29 November 2008
Pink - What a lovely colour
My ketosis stick was a lovely shade of pink this morning, so I according to the theory I should now be burning fat, and I can surely do with burning some of that. It feels nice being in control again. My trousers already feel a bit looser, which is a great motivator. also from today I can have the lovely bars, which make live just that little bit easier.
I have been rushing around most of the day with the family, and again, find it shocking to realise on how many occasions I would have had something to eat, nibble, drink etc. No wonder I was putting on the pounds lately. It's scary how the mind can play tricks on you. I was convinced I was actually doing ok foodwise and was getting frustrated at not losing but putting on. Only now that I have stepped outside the picture so to speak, do I realise that in fact all these little extras must have added up to an awful lot and it's probably only been thanks to me going to the gym that I haven't put on any more.
Off to watch x-factor now, minus the popcorn...
I have been rushing around most of the day with the family, and again, find it shocking to realise on how many occasions I would have had something to eat, nibble, drink etc. No wonder I was putting on the pounds lately. It's scary how the mind can play tricks on you. I was convinced I was actually doing ok foodwise and was getting frustrated at not losing but putting on. Only now that I have stepped outside the picture so to speak, do I realise that in fact all these little extras must have added up to an awful lot and it's probably only been thanks to me going to the gym that I haven't put on any more.
Off to watch x-factor now, minus the popcorn...
Friday 28 November 2008
Day 3 - and still on track
Wow, day 3, and finally I am starting to feel better, think I must be getting into ketosis. I was absolutely famished most of last night and this morning, but just around lunchtime it just went away. Just in time, I have to say as it was my son's Christmas fair today (they're always early) and I am just so happy that I avoided all the pitfalls. it's scary to think about though how much I probably would have normally eaten. Mince pie here, mulled wine there, oh, another mince pie.
I am so happy I started this now even with Christmas round the corner, at least it means I will probably be a stone lighter by Christmas rather than having already put on half a stone from all the stuff I normally tend to eat round this time.
My CD Counsellor gave me some ketostix and said I should test on Saturday morning. So I will know tomorrow.
I am so happy I started this now even with Christmas round the corner, at least it means I will probably be a stone lighter by Christmas rather than having already put on half a stone from all the stuff I normally tend to eat round this time.
My CD Counsellor gave me some ketostix and said I should test on Saturday morning. So I will know tomorrow.
Wednesday 26 November 2008
1st day
So I started today. If I needed any extra incentive to stick to this, it was provided by stepping on the scales at my CD counsellor. I know it was in the evening but it showed a shocking 14st 3lbs. My CD counsellor is really lovely at took a long time chatting to me and motivating me, which really helped.
I am very hungry at the moment, but that might have something to do with the fact that I just fed the kids and had to sit at the table with them, sipping my water, while they were tucking in. I was shocked to realise (now that I can't do it anymore) on how many occasions througout the day I usually slipped some food into my mouth. Bad habits indeed die hard. I thought I had learned something from my LL experience last year, but clearly habits kept creeping back in again.
I am positive that this time round the learning curve will be even steeper and that I will find ways of re-educating myself.
I think I will have an early night today, feeling hungry, cold and just a little bit under the weather.
I am very hungry at the moment, but that might have something to do with the fact that I just fed the kids and had to sit at the table with them, sipping my water, while they were tucking in. I was shocked to realise (now that I can't do it anymore) on how many occasions througout the day I usually slipped some food into my mouth. Bad habits indeed die hard. I thought I had learned something from my LL experience last year, but clearly habits kept creeping back in again.
I am positive that this time round the learning curve will be even steeper and that I will find ways of re-educating myself.
I think I will have an early night today, feeling hungry, cold and just a little bit under the weather.
Tuesday 25 November 2008
CD Meeting tonight
I can't believe it has been almost a month since I updated this. Well, it took me this long to get my medical form signed and make an appointment with my CD Counsellor, not helped by having had to look for a new job, which was quite a daunting task with the present climate in the job market. And I think I used every excuse in the book to keep on eating my comfort foods rather than stick to the low carb eating I planned on.
But tonight is the night of my first appointment. I will start CD tomorrow morning. Am a bit nervous about starting it so close to Christmas, but as I have now outgrown my last emergency pair of trousers, i can't wait to get started.
My weight this morning was 13st 10.5lbs so more or less stable over the last months, but I still feel like I have put on inches over the last couple of weeks, despite my efforts at the gym.
I will get my official start weight tonight and then prepare myself for a few days of misery of carbs withdrawal symptoms.
But tonight is the night of my first appointment. I will start CD tomorrow morning. Am a bit nervous about starting it so close to Christmas, but as I have now outgrown my last emergency pair of trousers, i can't wait to get started.
My weight this morning was 13st 10.5lbs so more or less stable over the last months, but I still feel like I have put on inches over the last couple of weeks, despite my efforts at the gym.
I will get my official start weight tonight and then prepare myself for a few days of misery of carbs withdrawal symptoms.
Friday 24 October 2008
So it starts again
Here are the stats:
Start Weight: 13.12
Goal Weight: 10.7
Mini Goal 1: 12.13
Heaviest: 20st
Lightest: 11.5st (Last year, after doing LL for 5 months)
I came back from a short break at Disneland Paris on Monday 21 October and I knew I had been a pig. I stepped on the scale on Tuesday morning to see my weight had ballooned to 13.12, which means I managed to put on a stone over the last month. I lost 6 stones last year on LL, and by now have put on 2 stones, so i have to draw the line here. My clothes don't fit me anymore and
I have been messing about with all sort of diets and being fed up with them for the last 3 month and obviously got nowhere, but this has shocked me back into action.
I still had some shakes from my previous LL experience left, so I started on them, while contacting my local CD. I am now back in the right frame of mind to tackle this.
It is now Friday and I have been doing a combination of LL shakes, Slim Fast musli bars and one low carb meal a day. Also I am going to the gym 2 -3 times a week. My CD Counsellor has emailed me and we just need to agree on a time for me to see her. So food wise I feel very much in control at the moment.
I can't wait for Tuesday's weigh in. I am determined to limit my visits to the scales to once (at most twice) a week.
This will have to be about a lifestyle change, and the last couple of months made me realise that I haven't broken some of the old patterns yet, so need to go back to basics
Start Weight: 13.12
Goal Weight: 10.7
Mini Goal 1: 12.13
Heaviest: 20st
Lightest: 11.5st (Last year, after doing LL for 5 months)
I came back from a short break at Disneland Paris on Monday 21 October and I knew I had been a pig. I stepped on the scale on Tuesday morning to see my weight had ballooned to 13.12, which means I managed to put on a stone over the last month. I lost 6 stones last year on LL, and by now have put on 2 stones, so i have to draw the line here. My clothes don't fit me anymore and
I have been messing about with all sort of diets and being fed up with them for the last 3 month and obviously got nowhere, but this has shocked me back into action.
I still had some shakes from my previous LL experience left, so I started on them, while contacting my local CD. I am now back in the right frame of mind to tackle this.
It is now Friday and I have been doing a combination of LL shakes, Slim Fast musli bars and one low carb meal a day. Also I am going to the gym 2 -3 times a week. My CD Counsellor has emailed me and we just need to agree on a time for me to see her. So food wise I feel very much in control at the moment.
I can't wait for Tuesday's weigh in. I am determined to limit my visits to the scales to once (at most twice) a week.
This will have to be about a lifestyle change, and the last couple of months made me realise that I haven't broken some of the old patterns yet, so need to go back to basics
A bit about me (part 1)
In brief, I am orginally from Germany, but now live in London with 3 kids, aged 9, 7 and 3, one husband and a cat. The main reason for writing this blog is for me to keep track of my weightloss and any struggles and successes I will encounter along the way.
I will try to be honest about things on here, I have lifelong experience of hiding things from people, my emotions, my food adiction, my body, basically most things. I have been large, even morbidly obese, most of my life and carry the emotional and physical scars (i.e. stretchmarks) that come with it.
I was put on my first diet at the tender age of 7 by my mother, who as I now know, was only trying to do what she thought was best for me at the time, but I believe has left me with a legacy of not being able to have a normal relationship with food. Basically I rebelled and when alone, started to stuff food down me, hoping no one would notice but of course the ever increasing waistline was hard to hide. My answer to all of life's worries and problems was always food. When I was bullied at school, I ate, when I was lonely, I ate, when I was upset because everyone else was going out partying and getting on with life while I was hiding indoors, I ate. I would now say that I actually was a depressed teenager but at the time I couldn't see this.
My lowest point weightwise was probably in my early twenties, when I tipped the scale at over 130kg (about 20 stones). I am 5 foot 4, so I was literally just lard and when I look at the few pictures I have of that time now, I cringe. One of my few (but very trusted) friends took me by the hands and made me join a lady's only gym, which she recently joined and thoroughly enjoyed. I will always be grateful for that because on my own I would have never had the courage to do this. With exercise and cutting back on my food I managed to get down to 110kg and felt on top of the world. While still large, I finally felt brave enough for going out occasionally and finally getting some sort of a social life.
A big change at the time was also after living on my own for about 2 years, I moved in with some friends and there were about 5 of us sharing a flat together. I continued going to the gym and while my weightloss had stalled (probably thanks to too many nights out drinking) for the first time in my life I felt quite positive about things. I still struggled with a very low self-esteem though, and that is probably one of the main reasons I didn't put any effort into my studying and subsequently didn't finish university.
I always had been very fond of England, having been there twice in my teens, and my dream had always been to go and live and work in London for a while. It was more of a dream though, something I thought I would never ever do (if I can't even get my studying together...) Another dream of mine was to become a professional opera singer and while I had the talent and endless singing lessons, again, my weight and my low self-esteem stopped me from actually taking it up more seriously. I just believed that there was now way anyone would want to see a big blob on stage, no matter how good my singing was.
I ended up having some sort of mini breakdown in early 1997, finally owning up to my parents that I would not be up to studying, singing (basically coping with life) at the time. I just needed a change of scenery and probably this breakdown finally gave me the strength to fulfil my dream. I don't know how I did it or managed but I arranged to go to England in October 1997. I had somewhere to stay and enough money to last me a month, so I needed to find a job. I was still about 110kg at the time but somehow that didn't bother me too much at the time. It was scary leaving my friends and family behind and not knowing anyone in London. it was a big step out of my comfort zone, as I am not the most outgoing person but i knew I had to change this, which probably proved more of a challenge than finding a job.
This is quite long enough, so part 2 will have to follow later
I will try to be honest about things on here, I have lifelong experience of hiding things from people, my emotions, my food adiction, my body, basically most things. I have been large, even morbidly obese, most of my life and carry the emotional and physical scars (i.e. stretchmarks) that come with it.
I was put on my first diet at the tender age of 7 by my mother, who as I now know, was only trying to do what she thought was best for me at the time, but I believe has left me with a legacy of not being able to have a normal relationship with food. Basically I rebelled and when alone, started to stuff food down me, hoping no one would notice but of course the ever increasing waistline was hard to hide. My answer to all of life's worries and problems was always food. When I was bullied at school, I ate, when I was lonely, I ate, when I was upset because everyone else was going out partying and getting on with life while I was hiding indoors, I ate. I would now say that I actually was a depressed teenager but at the time I couldn't see this.
My lowest point weightwise was probably in my early twenties, when I tipped the scale at over 130kg (about 20 stones). I am 5 foot 4, so I was literally just lard and when I look at the few pictures I have of that time now, I cringe. One of my few (but very trusted) friends took me by the hands and made me join a lady's only gym, which she recently joined and thoroughly enjoyed. I will always be grateful for that because on my own I would have never had the courage to do this. With exercise and cutting back on my food I managed to get down to 110kg and felt on top of the world. While still large, I finally felt brave enough for going out occasionally and finally getting some sort of a social life.
A big change at the time was also after living on my own for about 2 years, I moved in with some friends and there were about 5 of us sharing a flat together. I continued going to the gym and while my weightloss had stalled (probably thanks to too many nights out drinking) for the first time in my life I felt quite positive about things. I still struggled with a very low self-esteem though, and that is probably one of the main reasons I didn't put any effort into my studying and subsequently didn't finish university.
I always had been very fond of England, having been there twice in my teens, and my dream had always been to go and live and work in London for a while. It was more of a dream though, something I thought I would never ever do (if I can't even get my studying together...) Another dream of mine was to become a professional opera singer and while I had the talent and endless singing lessons, again, my weight and my low self-esteem stopped me from actually taking it up more seriously. I just believed that there was now way anyone would want to see a big blob on stage, no matter how good my singing was.
I ended up having some sort of mini breakdown in early 1997, finally owning up to my parents that I would not be up to studying, singing (basically coping with life) at the time. I just needed a change of scenery and probably this breakdown finally gave me the strength to fulfil my dream. I don't know how I did it or managed but I arranged to go to England in October 1997. I had somewhere to stay and enough money to last me a month, so I needed to find a job. I was still about 110kg at the time but somehow that didn't bother me too much at the time. It was scary leaving my friends and family behind and not knowing anyone in London. it was a big step out of my comfort zone, as I am not the most outgoing person but i knew I had to change this, which probably proved more of a challenge than finding a job.
This is quite long enough, so part 2 will have to follow later
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