Here are the stats:
Start Weight: 13.12
Goal Weight: 10.7
Mini Goal 1: 12.13
Heaviest: 20st
Lightest: 11.5st (Last year, after doing LL for 5 months)
I came back from a short break at Disneland Paris on Monday 21 October and I knew I had been a pig. I stepped on the scale on Tuesday morning to see my weight had ballooned to 13.12, which means I managed to put on a stone over the last month. I lost 6 stones last year on LL, and by now have put on 2 stones, so i have to draw the line here. My clothes don't fit me anymore and
I have been messing about with all sort of diets and being fed up with them for the last 3 month and obviously got nowhere, but this has shocked me back into action.
I still had some shakes from my previous LL experience left, so I started on them, while contacting my local CD. I am now back in the right frame of mind to tackle this.
It is now Friday and I have been doing a combination of LL shakes, Slim Fast musli bars and one low carb meal a day. Also I am going to the gym 2 -3 times a week. My CD Counsellor has emailed me and we just need to agree on a time for me to see her. So food wise I feel very much in control at the moment.
I can't wait for Tuesday's weigh in. I am determined to limit my visits to the scales to once (at most twice) a week.
This will have to be about a lifestyle change, and the last couple of months made me realise that I haven't broken some of the old patterns yet, so need to go back to basics
Friday 24 October 2008
A bit about me (part 1)
In brief, I am orginally from Germany, but now live in London with 3 kids, aged 9, 7 and 3, one husband and a cat. The main reason for writing this blog is for me to keep track of my weightloss and any struggles and successes I will encounter along the way.
I will try to be honest about things on here, I have lifelong experience of hiding things from people, my emotions, my food adiction, my body, basically most things. I have been large, even morbidly obese, most of my life and carry the emotional and physical scars (i.e. stretchmarks) that come with it.
I was put on my first diet at the tender age of 7 by my mother, who as I now know, was only trying to do what she thought was best for me at the time, but I believe has left me with a legacy of not being able to have a normal relationship with food. Basically I rebelled and when alone, started to stuff food down me, hoping no one would notice but of course the ever increasing waistline was hard to hide. My answer to all of life's worries and problems was always food. When I was bullied at school, I ate, when I was lonely, I ate, when I was upset because everyone else was going out partying and getting on with life while I was hiding indoors, I ate. I would now say that I actually was a depressed teenager but at the time I couldn't see this.
My lowest point weightwise was probably in my early twenties, when I tipped the scale at over 130kg (about 20 stones). I am 5 foot 4, so I was literally just lard and when I look at the few pictures I have of that time now, I cringe. One of my few (but very trusted) friends took me by the hands and made me join a lady's only gym, which she recently joined and thoroughly enjoyed. I will always be grateful for that because on my own I would have never had the courage to do this. With exercise and cutting back on my food I managed to get down to 110kg and felt on top of the world. While still large, I finally felt brave enough for going out occasionally and finally getting some sort of a social life.
A big change at the time was also after living on my own for about 2 years, I moved in with some friends and there were about 5 of us sharing a flat together. I continued going to the gym and while my weightloss had stalled (probably thanks to too many nights out drinking) for the first time in my life I felt quite positive about things. I still struggled with a very low self-esteem though, and that is probably one of the main reasons I didn't put any effort into my studying and subsequently didn't finish university.
I always had been very fond of England, having been there twice in my teens, and my dream had always been to go and live and work in London for a while. It was more of a dream though, something I thought I would never ever do (if I can't even get my studying together...) Another dream of mine was to become a professional opera singer and while I had the talent and endless singing lessons, again, my weight and my low self-esteem stopped me from actually taking it up more seriously. I just believed that there was now way anyone would want to see a big blob on stage, no matter how good my singing was.
I ended up having some sort of mini breakdown in early 1997, finally owning up to my parents that I would not be up to studying, singing (basically coping with life) at the time. I just needed a change of scenery and probably this breakdown finally gave me the strength to fulfil my dream. I don't know how I did it or managed but I arranged to go to England in October 1997. I had somewhere to stay and enough money to last me a month, so I needed to find a job. I was still about 110kg at the time but somehow that didn't bother me too much at the time. It was scary leaving my friends and family behind and not knowing anyone in London. it was a big step out of my comfort zone, as I am not the most outgoing person but i knew I had to change this, which probably proved more of a challenge than finding a job.
This is quite long enough, so part 2 will have to follow later
I will try to be honest about things on here, I have lifelong experience of hiding things from people, my emotions, my food adiction, my body, basically most things. I have been large, even morbidly obese, most of my life and carry the emotional and physical scars (i.e. stretchmarks) that come with it.
I was put on my first diet at the tender age of 7 by my mother, who as I now know, was only trying to do what she thought was best for me at the time, but I believe has left me with a legacy of not being able to have a normal relationship with food. Basically I rebelled and when alone, started to stuff food down me, hoping no one would notice but of course the ever increasing waistline was hard to hide. My answer to all of life's worries and problems was always food. When I was bullied at school, I ate, when I was lonely, I ate, when I was upset because everyone else was going out partying and getting on with life while I was hiding indoors, I ate. I would now say that I actually was a depressed teenager but at the time I couldn't see this.
My lowest point weightwise was probably in my early twenties, when I tipped the scale at over 130kg (about 20 stones). I am 5 foot 4, so I was literally just lard and when I look at the few pictures I have of that time now, I cringe. One of my few (but very trusted) friends took me by the hands and made me join a lady's only gym, which she recently joined and thoroughly enjoyed. I will always be grateful for that because on my own I would have never had the courage to do this. With exercise and cutting back on my food I managed to get down to 110kg and felt on top of the world. While still large, I finally felt brave enough for going out occasionally and finally getting some sort of a social life.
A big change at the time was also after living on my own for about 2 years, I moved in with some friends and there were about 5 of us sharing a flat together. I continued going to the gym and while my weightloss had stalled (probably thanks to too many nights out drinking) for the first time in my life I felt quite positive about things. I still struggled with a very low self-esteem though, and that is probably one of the main reasons I didn't put any effort into my studying and subsequently didn't finish university.
I always had been very fond of England, having been there twice in my teens, and my dream had always been to go and live and work in London for a while. It was more of a dream though, something I thought I would never ever do (if I can't even get my studying together...) Another dream of mine was to become a professional opera singer and while I had the talent and endless singing lessons, again, my weight and my low self-esteem stopped me from actually taking it up more seriously. I just believed that there was now way anyone would want to see a big blob on stage, no matter how good my singing was.
I ended up having some sort of mini breakdown in early 1997, finally owning up to my parents that I would not be up to studying, singing (basically coping with life) at the time. I just needed a change of scenery and probably this breakdown finally gave me the strength to fulfil my dream. I don't know how I did it or managed but I arranged to go to England in October 1997. I had somewhere to stay and enough money to last me a month, so I needed to find a job. I was still about 110kg at the time but somehow that didn't bother me too much at the time. It was scary leaving my friends and family behind and not knowing anyone in London. it was a big step out of my comfort zone, as I am not the most outgoing person but i knew I had to change this, which probably proved more of a challenge than finding a job.
This is quite long enough, so part 2 will have to follow later
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